That Darned Law of Attraction *SMILE*

On Wednesday, December 1, 2010 I received some of the most exciting news...but before I elaborate, let me introduce myself. Hello, I’m Crystal Black Davis and I’m a serial entrepreneur. I own a rapidly growing food marketing firm specializing in the product development and promotions of gourmet foods and I’m a published author who’s successfully launched one popular novel and currently working on the second novel and reference book. I live in the New York City metro with my amazing husband of eight (going on nine) years and I’m ambitious to a fault…so much so that I have always put off the prospects of motherhood to “next year” because whenever I stopped to survey my life as it was at that given moment, it never seem to fit into the here and now. I’m always on the move, from multi-city book tours to frequent international travel (eight European client meetings in just shy of four months is my current record) it was very hard to see how a baby would fit into that equation. This is a dilemma that many women face, so much so that a national magazine, Essence, reached out to interview me on the topic (read article here). After giving my views on why I didn’t feel as if I was ready for children, the response to the piece was overwhelming, generally positive but surprisingly a lot of opposition. Mainly due to that fact that my husband has been open to the idea of children since the completion of his MBA (though he’s always maintained that if it happened he would be extremely happy and if it didn’t or if it was delayed, he’d be fine with that as well). What surprised me the most was that I was being labeled as either selfish for my reasoning or that I must not want children period…neither was the case and I was completely blindsided by the sentiment. What’s very interesting is that my interview was fresh off the heels of an article I’d just read about Rebecca Walker (Alice Walker’s estranged daughter) and her accounts of growing up feeling neglected and unwanted due to what she portrayed as an always too busy, career obsessed mother…the last thing I want is for any future child of mine to feel as if Savvy and my other projects were priority and they were not.

Fast forward to October, about a month following the Essence article, several exciting things were happening to me, one in particular being the chance meeting of a major potential client. After a last minute platform change fiasco at Gare du Nord train station in Paris, I jumped on a train en route to Parc des Exposition for one of the world’s largest international food shows, SIAL. A gentleman who had apparently experienced my same platform confusion jumped on after me and following a huff of exhaustion he stated, “I really hope this is the train to Parc des Exposition.” I mentioned that I was almost 80% sure that it was and after the announcer confirmed it as such, we both began to calm down. Being that he was seated across from me and was evidently headed to the same destination, I introduced myself. He, in turn, did the same. It turns out that he’s the president of a seafood distributor in Barcelona that supplies over 80% of Spain’s shellfish. They recently launched a new line of prepared foods that they are looking to export to the U.S. and they need assistance with the entire market launch process…which is exactly what Savvy does. Talk about perfect place and perfect time!

So let’s revisit December 1, 2010.

After an extremely hectic work day I received some major news…I was informed that I’d won the British Airways Face of Opportunity business competition. My prize, a high profile entrepreneurs conference here in NYC and in London featuring Bill Rancic (season one winner of The Apprentice), Rich Sloan (founder of StartupNation) and Barbara Corcoran (real estate contributor on NBC’s Today Show, founder of NYC real estate empire The Corcoran Group, and yes, a shark on Shark Tank) in addition to that, the major prize was a round trip business class ticket to Barcelona to meet with Maresmar face to face! Nothing could top the excitement I felt after receiving that news…or so I thought. The next day, still hung over from the news of my big win, I began the process of mapping out my plan of action for Maresmar, but there was something hanging over my head that wasn’t completely atypical, yet still a cause for inquiry…I was late, as in female biologically late. Like four days late. So I decided to text my inner circle (my three BFF’s in Indianapolis) with the following question, “I’m four days late, how concerned should I be?” I obviously knew the answer to the question however I wanted my friends’ point of view to gauge the appropriate level of alarm. Within minutes they all responded with “GO GET A PREGNANCY TEST NOW!!!” So after completing a scheduled teleconference and fitting in a quick lunch, I headed to the drug store, went home and took the test. I’d gone through this drill before and I fully anticipated that the end result would be what it has always been because for the past eight years of marriage, our birth control method had been exactly the same and based on Einstein’s theory of insanity, why should I expect different results? So as I nonchalantly reached for the wand, I had an attitude of “here we go again.” That was until I saw that pink plus sign. Lucky for me, I purchased a multi-pack with three tests because I thought for sure that I messed up the first time…and the second time…okay, third time’s a charm.

Oh my goodness…I’m pregnant.

I jokingly state my pregnancy happened based on that darned law of attraction…it was spoken into existence! The two months prior to our big news, the baby topic seemed to come up more often than it ever had. From clients to family members, fans of Shaken and Stirred to total strangers, I felt as if I was wearing a perpetual “ask me if I plan to have a baby anytime soon” sign on my forehead…and then there was the Essence article, in which my stance on pregnancy remained consistent until the moment I looked at the wand. But wow, my reaction to seeing the positive sign (after the third try, LOL) completely took the Crystal who thought she wasn’t ready for children by surprise…I responded to the results with a moment of disbelief, followed by sudden and uncontrollable tears of joy, then jumping up from the edge of the tub, rushing up the stairs to my bedroom and kneeling down to give verbal thanks to God. I’m a firm believer in not questioning or doubting God’s master plan for my life. I came to that realization in 2009 when God called my fifty-five year old Mother home after a quick six month battle with breast cancer. God obviously had bigger plans for her and evidently my pregnancy is part of God’s bigger plan for me, my husband and my child. And for that, I’m content and excited about this new chapter in my life and everything that comes with it. I fully acknowledge that despite the busy factor, part of my baby apprehension was fear. Fear of all that comes with pregnancy, the symptoms, the needles, the hours of labor…not to mention the fear of now not having my Mother to guide me through this mystery I call motherhood, also the fear of raising a child in a city where we don’t have any family and would likely have to rely on a total stranger for childcare, admittedly the fear of the loss of freedom that I'd grown so accustom to, and the ultimate overriding fear of having the responsibility of rearing a productive member of society. Very valid and it was very much my reality and in some respects it still is, but I’m realistic and I’m going with the flow…surprisingly I’m managing it better than I ever expected. Not to say that I anticipate this to be easy, I just know one thing’s for certain, everything will work out the way it’s supposed to. Savvy will go on, future books will be written and during that process, a beautiful child will be nurtured, reared and prioritized. Do I know the exact path of how everything is going to be accomplished, no and that’s okay because it’s already been mapped out and I have completely “let go and let God”…so, with that said, I’m just beginning my second trimester and I have a long way to go…so without further ado, I’d like to welcome you to my journey!

From Pantone #7511C to Pantone #7490C, A.K.A. Emesis Gravidarum, A.K.A. Morning Sickness

Immediately upon the discovery of my new mommy-to-be status, I began to wonder worry if I would endure one of the most dreaded and despised symptom of pregnancy…morning sickness. In order to be prepared, I devised a plan of action to combat this potential inconvenience by arming myself with knowledge, dietary adjustments and known natural remedies to ward off this beast if I ever encountered it.

A few days into my pregnancy awareness, I made a routine trek to our friendly neighborhood Whole Foods for a leisurely Saturday dinner. Since I’d read that the big “m.s.” can sometimes be triggered by certain foods, I decided to minimize my risk by forgoing my usual curry turkey salad and opted for the kinder, blander naked grilled chicken breast and a green salad with lime vinaigrette. Before checking out, I passed a young lady conducting a demo for a new natural ginger ale…I figure that since ginger is supposed to quell even the most turbulent of stomach aches, I should be preemptive and not only purchase a bottle for dinner, but a whole case just in case the big “m.s.” decided to sneak up on me. Dinner went well, I felt fine and life went on for about another two weeks with no sign of falling victim to nausea. By this point, I was convinced that I had a good chance of being in that small percentile of women who never experience it…which kind of made sense. In my normalcy, I’m the one who rarely gets sick to the stomach, I can even count on one hand the number of times that I’ve ever thrown up in my life…so I was definitely justified in my confidence.

Two weeks later, my husband made a special Sunday dinner request for my AMAZING chicken pot pie. Now, if you really know me you understand that making something that sounds as simple as pot pie would not be easy with me at the helm. It’s a two day process. Literally. So are my greens, but that’s an entirely different post! On that Saturday evening before heading out to Jazz @ Lincoln Center, I filled my Crockpot with fresh chicken, veggies, spices and other secret ingredients to begin slow cooking my pot pie filling to perfection. We got back home around 3am and walking in the door the gorgeous aroma of roasting chicken hit me. Before getting ready for bed, I sprinkled a few more spices into the pot and took in a long whiff of the deliciousness in anticipation of finally devouring it the next evening…little did I know that around 10am, a few hours later, my entire life was about to change. Besides being super exhausted, I woke up with what felt like a tsunami in my stomach. The churning and bubbling was unbearable and all I could do was lay in bed and weakly call out for Anthony to bring me some iced water. After falling back to sleep for a few more hours, I was abruptly awakened not by a loud sound, but by a loud smell…the smell that was once so delicious was now so repulsive…my pot pie contents…and because it had been slow cooking all night, it had permeated throughout the entire house making it impossible to escape it. I managed to stumble downstairs to our guest bedroom/office and despite the fact that it was December I opened all the windows. As I breathed in the frigid, crisp air I feared this horrible feeling wasn’t going to go away anytime soon…unfortunately I was right. Although I didn’t throw up that day (even though I felt like I would) that Sunday marked day one of the big m.s.

One of the facts that I quickly came to terms with in dealing with this new inconvenience is that it is the BIGGEST misnomer in the world. Who thought it was apropos to label it morning sickness when my green hued face not only lasted all day, it actually got worse around 4pm. Another “laugh about it now but it wasn’t funny then” point is that I felt I was completely useless in my current career as a food marketer/writer and that my skills were more aptly suited for the NYPD canine forensics team because I had a sense of smell that would rival any bloodhound. All the smells that I once loved were absolutely disgusting. I couldn’t use any of my body washes/perfumes/hair products, food smells instantly made me gag and the worst smell of them all was Anthony’s cologne…so much so that I didn’t even want to be in the same room with him…we literally slept in separate beds for several weeks.

As thankful as I was that I didn’t have to be “at work” at a certain time everyday, I still had to lead the daily operations of my company, and since joining the canine forensics team was out of the question I became more familiar with not only working from home, but the concept of working from bed. For seven solid weeks, I conducted numerous staff teleconferences, client status meetings and consultations in a lateral position from my queen sized Serta. The few instances that I had no choice but to conduct a face to face meeting in the office were the worst days of my life because of two words, public transportation. My beloved mode of getting from point “a” to point “b” had become the bane of my existence. The 10 minute light rail ride to connect to the PATH train was dizzying and the 15 minute PATH journey to get to 33^rd Street was a torturous ride to hell with nauseating twists and turns, gross smelling platforms/people and the worse…that fact that I typically had to stand because the trains were often packed like sardines and since I wasn’t showing, no one ever offered to give up their seat for me like they do now with my visible belly. I liken it to being on a stand-up roller coaster while having the stomach flu and being enveloped by the smell of urine laced chili fries. Sounds delightful doesn’t it.

Midway into the big m.s., I came to terms with reality. After countless cups of ginger tea, bottles of natural ginger ale (that once tasted so good that day at Whole Foods) and forcing myself to nibble on ginger snaps (and I mean forcing, the thought of eating ANYTHING was more than a challenge), I soon realized that ginger was beginning to do the exact opposite of what it was supposed to do by actually making me more nauseous. I used to like ginger, rephrase, I used to LOVE ginger prior to my pregnancy. Now the shear mention of the word makes my throat quiver and wretch. I also tried Seabands acupressure wrist bands which only mildly eases nausea for a few hours and really hurts if you try to sleep while wearing them. My “ah ha” moment came when I realized that natural remedies do not work for me. Adding to that, I’d lost 10 pounds. I had NO appetite what so ever and on the rare occasion that my stomach growled for food, I couldn't eat because NOTHING smelled good and I was terrified that if I added anything to my stomach, I would feel worse than the misery I had grown accustom to. On top of that I could barely stand from the dizziness and when I did stand I always felt like I was about to throw up (which I never did, it was just the sensation of being about to which is worse in my opinion)…in essence, I could no longer function. In an attempt to rectify my situation and after threatening my ultra conservative ob/gyn, I was prescribed a low dose anti-nausea medication. It helped with that awful “verge of vomiting” feeling (yet didn’t completely get rid of the nausea) and allowed me to eat a little more per day, but that was about it. Smells still got to me, I was still dizzy and I was still losing weight. The reality was that I just had to let nature run its course and hope that it would subside going into my 2^nd trimester. In the meantime, I didn’t enjoy Christmas, especially Christmas dinner (the turkey smell reminded me of pot pie incident), I nearly slept through new year’s eve, only waking up during the countdown at number 9, and my birthday was a blur at best…then something miraculous happened. On the first day of my 2^nd trimester I woke up feeling normal. No nausea, no dizziness, no headache, just normal. Me being the cautious person that I am, I reserved my excitement until I had five straight days of normalcy…and it happened. I had officially survived morning sickness. I feel like I overcame some sort of combat that at one point felt never ending. I’ve since been discharged and now it feels good to actually enjoy being pregnant. Naturally, I’m very anxious about the end result of this process, the inevitable pains of labor and delivery, but I have a new found resilience…if I can make it through the perils morning sickness, I am definitely poised to make it through ANYTHING!!!!